


Harmless Offering

by Classpectanon



Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cat, Gen, Interdimensional Demon, Kitty - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28524603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: "Look at it. It's adorable, Kanaya." Rose said, gesturing to the writhing shape sitting in a small basket on their doorstep as it made noises that sounded like some straining shapeshifter attempting to imitate the most cute mewlings of a kitty cat it could manage. If it sounded like that, it was likely because it was exactly that, in fact, but Kanaya was having none of it."Rose. I love you so, so much, but it has tentacles and spikes. This is not a cat." Kanaya responded, rubbing her temples with her index fingers.3/365
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Harmless Offering

"Look at it. It's adorable, Kanaya." Rose said, gesturing to the writhing shape sitting in a small basket on their doorstep as it made noises that sounded like some straining shapeshifter attempting to imitate the most cute mewlings of a kitty cat it could manage. If it sounded like that, it was likely because it was exactly that, in fact, but Kanaya was having none of it.

"Rose. I love you so, so much, but it has tentacles and spikes. This is not a cat." Kanaya responded, rubbing her temples with her index fingers.

"I beg to differ. It has all the essential components of a cat. Sure, it may not possess fur, but neither do sphynxes. And perhaps it does have rending talons, but what cat without a long period of going without nail trimming doesn't?" Rose asserted, crossing her arms defiantly in front of her chest. "It makes noises, similar in fashion to a cat. I'm not sure what else you could ask for, really. I look at this, and the intersection of my mind and the platonic realm of forms goes "Yep, that is a cat". It seems pretty obvious to me."

"You don't even know if it has vocal cords! Upper or lower!" Kanaya pleaded, exasperatedly gesturing towards the writhing mound of multi-dimensional flesh. "It doesn't even have any sort of psionic effect that I would be able to detect, I think you are just being obstinate for the sake of contrarianism."

"No I'm not." Rose disagreed obstinately. "The only psionic effect it might have is being ridiculously cute and mind controlling me with its fluffiness and tendency to lap milk so adorably, and possible infections of _Toxoplasma gondii_."

"Is that not effectively a form of rudimentary mind control borne through biological mechanisms?" Kanaya asked, genuinely curious.

"Probably." Rose answered. "But it would not explain my ravenous desire to welcome this obviously kitty-shaped cat into our home. And the jury is still out on toxoplasmosis, last I checked, whether or not it actually does anything to anyone except the immunocompromised. Last time I had been to a doctor, I was given a clean bill of health on both the toxoplasmosis and the immunocompromis...ation sides of things. They check for that, Kanaya. They check for that at the doctor's office."

It let out a horrific wail and a nearby window cracked cleanly and perfectly down the middle. Kanaya gestured towards it with exhausted, exaggerated hand motions, sputtering in disbelief. "Rose, darling, it just cracked a window in half with its voice."

"What cat hasn't?" Rose asked, reaching down to pick up the cat's basket. Kanaya immediately threw her arms around Rose and pulled her three inches back. "Oh, alright, I suppose that's probably for the best considering the volume of spines and venomous quills I see on it now."

"Yes! Venomous quills! What cat has venomous quills?" Kanaya squealed.

"Well, this one does, evidently." Rose replied, her affect far too flat for it to be determined if she was joking or not. Kanaya squeezed Rose tighter and she let out a puff of air. "I suppose we will have to wait until it calms down and then we can take it inside. It seems a mite antsy, it will probably rip up all my nice upholstery. And, as much as I don't want to sound like my mother, that is some _very_ nice upholstery that would be getting ripped up."

"And I would have to spend all week patching it up!" Kanaya chimed in. Rose rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Do you think Jane would like it?" Rose asked.

"Oh, yes, absolutely. Let's send it to her instead." Kanaya responded, nodding vigorously in assent.

"Good idea."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/classpectanon)


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